Unit 7 Mind-Body-Spirit Paradigm

This is going to sound really funny but my wise person was not somebody I knew it was the wizard guy from the lord of the rings. I have no idea why but when she said picture a wise and healer I instantly had the vision of an old man with white hair, a long beard, and a pointed hat sitting on a rock. When she started talking about the white light  and all the things the white light represented I automatically thought of Jesus. The little old man disappeared and Jesus was the one sitting on this rock. Jesus is the only person I can think of that had all the qualities she was describing. However when the light went away and I was to become this amazing person the little old wizard came back.

"One can not lead another where one has not gone himself?" This means that if you have not done it yourself if you don't believe in it yourself you are not going to be able to get somebody else to believe in it or practice it. In the Health and Wellness profession you can not expect somebody to do what you tell them or ask of them to do if you have never done it yourself.  This is why servers usually need to taste all the food on the menu. If they have never tried it how can they tell you their opinion on it. In my profession for example Zumba instructor/fitness instructor/ soon to be personal trainer. If I was a 200lb 5'2" female who did not exercise at all what are the chances I would be successful at my job. How am I going to tell you fitness is important, you should lose weight exercise and eat right if I am sitting here doing/ or have never done anything that I am telling you to do. Why would you believe a word a said? It is very hard to convince somebody of something you have never practiced your self before.

If I was going to implement spiritual growth in my life I would need to take my butt back to church. I have not been there since April and the church keeps calling me worried that something is wrong. I always tell them no but I am just not feeling the spiritual end of my life right now I have so many other things going on with trying to find a full time job, being a single mom on an unemployment income that church is the last thing on my mind. However I need to start going back again because maybe if I do if I take that hour of my week to be spiritual I will be able to clear my head and figure out some of the things that are causing my brain to go crazy.

Unit 6 all loving-kindness

This was both easy and difficult for me. It was difficult for me because it was late at night and I just got finished teaching a class with 3 and 4 year old children and 2 hip hop classes so I was a little tired. If I had to close my eyes for 10 minutes I would have been asleep. The second reason it was so difficult for me was because I could not remember the 4 lines. To open my eyes and read them would make me lose concentration. (I have the attention span of a gnat). However the ways it was easy for me was because I have lots of loving-kindness. I have a very difficult time being mean to any body but my child. She does not count because that is more discipline than being "mean."  Anyway when reading through the 4 phrases I found my self saying I ask for these things often just in my daily life. I try and never wish bad on anybody (except my child's father who happens to deserve it from time to time, but then I take it back usually lol.) I don't enjoy seeing people suffer. I am one of those people that do not like going into hospitals especially children's hospital. Every time I walk in the place I end up in tears. I just can't under stand what I child has done to be punished with so much suffering and pain. I wish all those little kids all the time freedom from suffering. The second phrase I feel that everybody should have as much health, happiness and wholeness as possible and I will do just about anything so that they do lead a very healthy, happy, and whole life. I think my going into Health, Wellness and personal training allows me to assists people in both those areas. If I can figure out why they are suffering I may be able to help them out of their suffering. I am hoping that my Wellness practice and my personal training practice will help people live healthy, happy and whole lives.

I asses my life on a regular basis this was taught to me from when I was young to do regularly. It is probably part of the meditation process that I grew up with. My father has always practiced holistic medicine and meditation. However when life would get all crazy on me my step mom would always sit with me and asses everything that was going on and what needed to be worked on and how to do it. Currently I think the main thing I need growth on is interpersonal. I am very very hard on myself. I was also in a very psychological abusive relationship for 9 years. It was actually today that it dawned on me that all the mean things he would say to me daily (fat, stupid dumb, nobody will ever want me) I currently even after almost 3 years of being apart I still think that way without even knowing it. Today after a nurse in a doctors office told me I was beautiful and look like I should be in a magazine I caught myself thinking me beautiful in a magazine yeah right who would want me in a magazine? Are you just saying this to be nice? Once I realized what I was thinking I remember having a conversation with my boyfriend and he kept saying why do you think I don't want you. All I can remember thinking was because nobody will ever want me.  Then in another conversation my boyfriend was saying something about how men fall in love with people's minds. My first thought was well you don't have to worry about a man falling in love with my mind I'm kind of stupid. All of this just dawned on me today that I do this. I have been doing this for years and did not even realize it. So right now my interpersonal self is something I really need to work on. I need to work on reversing the negative psychology. Just like the skit on Saturday night live " I am good enough, I am smart enough and gosh darn it people like me." LOL  The exercise I am going to have to implement most is to not allow myself to put me down. I will need to become conscious of the thoughts I think about myself. On the outside it looks like I have very high self esteem but on the inside I don't think I believe any of it.

The second part kind of hit home with me today sorry for the long drawn out babel.

Unit 5 Subtle mind

My mind is never free of thoughts so I really am very bad at this. I can not just concentrate on my breath once I do I start having a hard time breathing and I have to start taking deep breaths. I liked the loving kindness more because he gave me people to think about and not just my breath. I have to much going on in my life to just think about my breathing. The time spaces in between her talking were way to long and I found myself dozing off. If you tell me to sit still and do nothing for to long I am knocked out. I related much better to the loving kindness than the subtle mind. Nothing about my mind is subtle. LOL

My physical wellness is at it's peak. I am very physical and when I am not I am lethargic and feel like poop. I actually took today off from the gym and exercising and it was not planned. I feel very tired and lazy. I am thinking about taking a run tonight just because I feel so blah. My spiritual wellness is not very good right now. I am guilty for not going to church and the people from church keep calling to remind me that I have not been there in a few months. I just hate getting up and going to church because it is so boring. I hate when people talk at me. I don't even listen. One of our pastors I don't like and we but heads frequently when he is preaching I just tune out totally. I do love one of our pastors I just can't seam to ever catch his sermon. I really should be going to church but I can think of a million reasons not too more than I can think of reason to go. Yes I believe I just don't like to be talked at.

Unit 4

I enjoyed the loving kindness exercise but it was almost to long and there were to many long pauses causing me to drift off. However the person closest to me is my daughter who I have been having behavioral problems with since her dad left. Half of this is my fault because I feel so guilty for all the crap she has been through that I let so many things just go because I feel bad and I love her and I don't want to hurt her. She is all I have. I don't have a husband and really don't get along well with my mother and I am not close to my father so really it is just my kid, the dog and I. Well I have my boyfriend too who is really trying to make her behavior better and trying to train me not to give in to her but then I end up getting mad at him because I usually know why she is acting up especially if it is late at night but he still wants to be firm and do our form of punishment and I just want to say she is tired let her be. I always have an excuse for her bad behavior and I shouldn't but again that is because I feel so guilty for her not having the perfect life.  The person closest to me that is Ill is my brother. He has a lot of mental issues going on and for a while he was on suicide watch and a lot of other crazy things were going on.I am always wishing him better health because it breaks my hear that he is the way he is. He does lots of therapy and holistic methods. I am not sure if he is on medication any more or not but I think he is because he 100% lost it when they tried to take him off.  I always feel some type of love and kindness for strangers that seam to need a hug or a prayer. I would never hug them but I will pray for them if I feel they need be. This was a difficult thing to listens to for me because it brought up things I usually push to the side in order to get through a day.