Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Unit 4
I enjoyed the loving kindness exercise but it was almost to long and there were to many long pauses causing me to drift off. However the person closest to me is my daughter who I have been having behavioral problems with since her dad left. Half of this is my fault because I feel so guilty for all the crap she has been through that I let so many things just go because I feel bad and I love her and I don't want to hurt her. She is all I have. I don't have a husband and really don't get along well with my mother and I am not close to my father so really it is just my kid, the dog and I. Well I have my boyfriend too who is really trying to make her behavior better and trying to train me not to give in to her but then I end up getting mad at him because I usually know why she is acting up especially if it is late at night but he still wants to be firm and do our form of punishment and I just want to say she is tired let her be. I always have an excuse for her bad behavior and I shouldn't but again that is because I feel so guilty for her not having the perfect life. The person closest to me that is Ill is my brother. He has a lot of mental issues going on and for a while he was on suicide watch and a lot of other crazy things were going on.I am always wishing him better health because it breaks my hear that he is the way he is. He does lots of therapy and holistic methods. I am not sure if he is on medication any more or not but I think he is because he 100% lost it when they tried to take him off. I always feel some type of love and kindness for strangers that seam to need a hug or a prayer. I would never hug them but I will pray for them if I feel they need be. This was a difficult thing to listens to for me because it brought up things I usually push to the side in order to get through a day.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I feel your struggles with your daughter. I have had to go through that for years with my oldest two from a previous marriage. Believe me when I say your are doing a great job! Parents don't have a manual (well we have the Bible) so we do our best. The most important thing that your daughter needs to feel in that she is loved and that your will never give up on her. Sometimes that is sticking to the consequences of bad behavior. My oldest tried to go live with her dad and only last a couple of months. She did things there she would have never done here because she knows that my husband (who she has always called dad) and I would never allow it. When she came back she shared with me that she did alot of things to see if they cared enough to stop her. So in her eyes it was not love to let her do what she wants, it was the easy way out. That opened my eyes big time! Keep up the great work. Parenting in the hardest job but it's the most rewarding.
ReplyDeleteTanya
After reading your blog it sounds like you deserve a double dose of some loving kindness. I admire you for all that you have to complete in a day and I know your daughter will appreciate all you do for her, one day. I hope you are able to step back and be able to see just what you do for others.
ReplyDeleteI come from a broken home and the one thing I appreciated the most from my father was that he always made sure we knew how much he loved us and always told us that the key to a happy healthy life was to forgive! He only asked forgiveness once from us but that moment honestly was all we needed to know that he didn't mean to hurt us. My Mother on the other hand did not know how to handle the pain, never apologized, and caused a lot of pain in our lives because she never wanted to do deal with the issues at hand. It sounds like your doing an amazing job with your daughter, just don't let your guilt get in the way of parenting your daughter.
ReplyDeleteLots of love and prayer being sent your way!
Elissa